Do You Really Need Bridesmaids and Groomsmen? Rethinking the Wedding Party

As a humanist wedding celebrant, I have the privilege of working with lots of couples planning very different kinds of weddings. Through my work at www.stefaniethecelebrant.com, I see first-hand how modern couples are rethinking wedding traditions. What many of them share, however, is a desire to make thoughtful choices about their ceremony. Rather than following tradition for tradition’s sake, couples are increasingly planning weddings that reflect their personalities, values and vision for the day.

We now see huge variety in how couples choose to celebrate their marriage – from elopements on windswept hillsides to relaxed micro weddings in meaningful places. Yet one element of weddings often seems a little more fixed: the expectation of bridesmaids and groomsmen.

So do you actually need a wedding party? Is it something couples genuinely want, or something they feel expected to include?

Let’s take a closer look.

Where Did Bridesmaids and Groomsmen Come From?

When considering a wedding tradition, I often encourage couples to look at where it originated. And, as with so many traditions, we can trace this one all the way back to ancient Rome.

The Romans were famously superstitious and believed that evil spirits might try to interfere with a couple’s wedding day. Their solution? The bride and groom would be accompanied by five women and five men dressed in similar clothing, making it harder for any troublesome spirits to identify the newlyweds.

It wasn’t only supernatural forces they were worried about. In some cases, groomsmen were responsible for protecting the bride and ensuring she arrived safely at the ceremony without anyone attempting to intercept the groom’s dowry. Roman law also required ten witnesses at a wedding – imagine how long the paperwork would take if that rule still applied today!

Thankfully, modern weddings no longer require protection from bandits or evil spirits. But traditions can have surprising origins, and it’s always interesting to understand where they came from before deciding whether they still feel relevant today.

Why Do Couples Have Bridesmaids and Groomsmen?

For many couples, having a wedding party can be a wonderful part of the celebration.

Surrounding yourself with close friends or family members can offer both practical and emotional support. In the run-up to the wedding, bridesmaids and groomsmen often help organise hen and stag parties, lend a hand with planning, and provide plenty of encouragement along the way.

On the day itself, they can also play an important role. A best man standing beside a slightly nervous groom can offer reassurance and the occasional bit of humour if needed. Bridesmaids can help keep things running smoothly, from holding bouquets to fixing veils or simply making sure everyone is in the right place at the right time.

And of course, there are those iconic moments of wedding morning excitement – friends gathered together, glasses of fizz in hand, while hair and make-up artists work their magic.

For many couples, having that shared experience with their closest people is something really special.

But What If You’d Rather Not?

While there are certainly benefits to having bridesmaids and groomsmen, it’s also worth remembering that none of these roles are essential.

Close friends and family will usually offer their support regardless of whether they have a formal title on the day. And choosing not to have a traditional wedding party can bring its own advantages.

One practical consideration is cost. Dresses, suits, hair and make-up appointments and additional logistics can quickly add up. For couples planning their wedding on a tighter budget, simplifying the structure of the day can free up money to spend elsewhere.

It can also shift the focus of the ceremony. Without a formal bridal party, the spotlight naturally remains on the couple themselves – exactly where it belongs.

My Experience as a Bride

When my husband and I got married in 2017, we chose not to have bridesmaids or groomsmen.

At the time, we weren’t entirely sure how it would be perceived. Would people think it was strange? Would friends feel left out?

In reality, the opposite was true. Our friends and family were wonderfully supportive, but without the pressure of a formal role. Many of them were travelling from different parts of the UK and beyond, so avoiding the logistics of fittings and outfits made life simpler for everyone.

We were also working with a relatively tight budget and wanted to prioritise the experience for our guests. Instead of spending money on additional dresses and suits, we put those funds towards keeping the bar well stocked and helping guests with the cost of staying at the hotel where our wedding took place.

Looking back, it was absolutely the right decision for us.

Questions to Ask Yourselves

In my work as a celebrant, I often see couples wrestling with this decision while planning their ceremony. If you are wondering whether bridesmaids and groomsmen are right for you, it can help to pause and ask yourselves a few simple questions.

Do we genuinely want a wedding party, or are we including one because it feels expected?

Would having bridesmaids and groomsmen make the day feel more meaningful or more complicated?

Are there people we would love to include in our ceremony in other ways, perhaps through readings, music, or helping with personal touches?

How does having, or not having, a wedding party fit with the kind of ceremony we want to create?

For some couples, having a close group of friends standing beside them is an important and joyful part of their wedding day. For others, keeping things simple feels much more natural.

One of the things I love most about my role is helping couples step back from expectations and think about what will genuinely make their ceremony feel right for them.

The Most Important Thing

As a humanist celebrant, I always encourage couples to think about what genuinely feels right for them.

For some people, having bridesmaids and groomsmen is a joyful and meaningful part of the wedding day. For others, it simply doesn’t fit with the kind of celebration they want to create.

The wonderful thing about modern weddings is that there is no single blueprint anymore. You might choose a full wedding party, one best friend by your side, or no formal roles at all.

What matters most is that your ceremony reflects who you are as a couple and celebrates your story in a way that feels authentic.

Because ultimately, your wedding should feel like yours.

You can find more inspiration at www.stefaniethecelebrant.com

or follow Stefanie on Instagram @stefaniethecelebrant, TikTok @stefanie.the.celebrant, and Facebook at Stefanie Onipko Humanist Celebrant.